Self confidence is an infinite life source. Exuding self confidence is good for you as it provides great energy for your activities. It's also good for others as it helps them feel calm and assured.
However, finding, building and sustaining self confidence is no small job. In fact it's probably something you may need to work on every day. What follows is an overview of the challenge and the opportunity of becoming a self confident person.
Your self confidence is based on your beliefs. Do you believe in yourself? Do you trust yourself, have confidence in your ability and feel good about yourself even when you are operating outside of your comfort zone? If you do, you will behave in a way that builds confidence in others. You will also feel more willing to take up opportunities and live a more expansive life.
In short, self confidence is a great skill to have as a Change Maker and a powerful tool in your self esteem kit!
Building self confidence is definitely an ongoing process rather than a switch. However, the fifth step in my 5-Step Process below will make an immediate impact and support you in achieving goals.
What creates a lack of self confidence in you?
Typically, there are two types of blocks that can contribute to a lack of self confidence. (i) Setting standards that are too high and (ii) Seeking to always be in control. Both can be tackled.
Setting standards for ourselves that are way beyond our current levels is self-defeating and usually stimulated by comparing ourselves to others. We acquire a misguided view of our strengths and weaknesses and feel bad about ourselves. The secret is to stop comparing. We don't know enough about those we compare ourselves with, to form an accurate assessment. Equally, we are different to them and can only live our own life.
Control is seldom 100%. There are always possibilities of things changing beyond our control. Here, the secret is to stop judging. We pre-judge our ability to do something based on the level of perceived control and we judge ourselves harshly afterwards if we didn't achieve our goal - even though the reason may have been outside our control.
Having removed the blocks, we can work on developing greater self confidence.
Identify some specific tasks you'd like to do better and assess your current level honestly. Then consider how good you'd like to be.
With this in mind, you need to ask yourself one important question - "Why do I want to get better at this?" If the answer is to feel as good as someone else, you're playing the wrong game. If the answer is to feel better about myself, you're on the right track. Self motivation is a powerful tool on the journey to greater esteem, self confidence and more robust mental health.
Step 2 of this 5 Step self confidence process was really all about goal setting. Now we're going to turn that into reality by preparing a plan. What's your target date for the improvement? What will success look and feel like? How will you ensure you stay on track? What's the very first step?
Now, take the first step. This will get you moving, boosting your self confidence immediately.
If you have set off with the right intentions, planned your journey and taken the first step, you will have achieved more than 90% of the people who have a dream of improving their lives and your self confidence improvement strategy will be in place.
You can now relax.
This is key. Too many goals are derailed by people beating themselves up when they deviate from the plan. If you miss a day, it doesn't matter. Just go with the flow. The goal has not changed. Start again tomorrow. Self confidence is an all-time opportunity, not a do it once tactic.
This is your Super Power!
How often do you hear yourself responding to a question or an opportunity with the words, "I can't do that"?
The problem with this statement is that it creates a self-defeating loop. I can't do it results in not trying which reinforces a belief that I can't do it.
Instead, add the word YET to the end of the sentence. "I can't do it yet."
This will help you feel more self confident immediately.
This is because it points towards the potential achievement of it in the future. A journey of improvement is indicated and your brain will now seek examples of the same thing being done by others or similar achievements from your own journal.
The technical reason this enhances your sense of self confidence is that it challenges your existing beliefs. Say it often enough and your beliefs will change. You will see yourself as someone who is always working on new challenges in the knowledge that anything is possible.
You are unique. You have a unique set of talents. No-one has ever lived just like you. You can develop self confidence if you switch off the self-defeating thoughts and focus instead on possibility thinking.
Remember too, it is not the achievement of your goals that leads to high self confidence, it is the consistent commitment to the work involved that makes the difference.
Here are three books that have influenced me on this topic and I highly recommend.
This book opened my eyes to what was possible in my life. If you have a habit of thinking small, thinking everything is beyond you or generally have low self confidence, let this book gently convince you that you are in fact limitless!
Another momentous book to help dissolve those fears that stop you from doing the things that make our life experience so rich. Susan Jeffers is such an honest and accessible writer. You'll love this.
A more recent favourite read that I actually discovered through Audible. Jen Sincero holds nothing back and delivers a self confidence masterclass.
"Remind yourself that you cannot fail at being yourself"
- Wayne Dyer
"A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms."
"Conquer yourself and the whole universe is yours."
- Swami Vivekananda
Let's be honest with each other. It's going to take some courage initially to just be you. There may be some old voices in your head getting in the way. Recognise the voices for the service they provide - they are trying to keep you safe.
The thing is, they may not know you for who you are deciding to be today.
If you choose to bring more you to the world and step into your unique talents, perspectives and thoughts, you have an opportunity to change your world.
The problem with thinking we can stay just as we are, is it is plainly untrue. The more we avoid and shy away from opportunities for personal growth, the more rapid we atrophy. It really is change or die!
This video is less a motivational speech about self confidence and more of an analysis of how most people find themselves without self confidence in the first place. It's a fun three minute cartoon, take a look - The School of Life
This, on the other hand, is brilliant!! Hehe! Some misplaced self confidence there! Actually, it is really quite good. A video summary of everything in this blog for those of you who find that a message sticks when you've heard it and not just read it.
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